Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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