He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
