I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
