bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
