You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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