good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
