The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
