he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
