My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
