The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
