if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
