He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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