Kiss
Puke
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
