Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Randomize