Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
