and she was petting her beer can
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
