i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
