She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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