I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
