I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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