508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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