I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
