I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You were trust falling into bushes
that may or may not have been my penis.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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