i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
