i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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