Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
