You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
