I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
