Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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