: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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