You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
