He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
