When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Randomize
