how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
