I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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