I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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