thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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