whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
