I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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