i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
