Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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