I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
