you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
