Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
