Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
