Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
