She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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