dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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