Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
