last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
