i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
