dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
