did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize