I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize