A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize