I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize