Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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