you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
everyone is single if you try hard enough
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
