It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize