i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize