he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
