Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
