Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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