Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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