I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
