Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
