I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
