So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
