Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
